I WITHDREW FROM UNIVERSITY

 

I know this is something not often publicly discussed. It’s a subject hidden from the world, a decision to be ashamed of and embarrassed about. There’s a stigma around university drop-outs, that we wasted our education, maybe we failed classes, or ‘didn’t try hard enough’, gave up too easily and have thrown our life away.

I’m proud of my decision, because like everything I hope to do in my life, I will do with confidence and trust in my instincts. Overall I will put my happiness and healthiness above all other things. Above money and social status, above others perceptions and expectations of me.

I wasn’t failing university. I didn’t find the classes difficult. I was a dedicated student, and when I put my heart into something I work my very hardest. For my last semester I received high distinctions, I only had one year left of my degree after already completing two and I very well could have stayed on to complete this degree and get that sacred piece of paper telling everyone I am qualified.

But qualified by whose standards? I am fortunate that my choice of profession does not (in my opinion) require a university degree. Unlike becoming a doctor, a veterinary nurse, an engineer or a teacher. A photographer can go on to be extremely successful without needed to have a certified piece of paper stating that they endured three years of study at an educational institution.

I should explain that I wasn’t your ordinary university student. In high school I was adamant I would not go to university. This probably stemmed from the fact that I was an extremely stubborn teenager, and I didn’t like the fact that everyday we were fed the same line, “You must pick something to study at university if you want to make it in life”. I watched my friends stress and fret, most of whom had no clue of who or what they wanted to be, and yet they needed to pick a profession right here and now, no take backs. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, why did I even need to know? I was seventeen. Maybe I should figure out who I was first.
And so I spent a year finding me. I didn’t take a ‘gap year’ and traipse all over the world drinking and partying until I didn’t remember my name. I moved out of home, started working full-time in an office and learning what it was like to live in this so called ‘real world’. And I hated it! I definitely had drawn the short stick, my friends who were at university were having the life of a typical teenager, living at home, partying on the weekends, coffee dates at lunchtime, high school never even ended. I was struggling with what little money I had, trying to make sixty-dollar-a-week food shopping trips, collapsing each day after working in a job that wasn’t fulfilling for me and losing contact with everyone I knew.

I learnt more in that year than I have in all my twenty-one years. I became a person I’m proud of. I learnt that I need to make my own decisions, and if something is wrong in my life or making me unhappy, it’s a simple fix, nothing needs to be permanent. Martin and I decided we wanted to move to a new city, and we settled on the idea of Melbourne. We told people we were moving so I could go to university, when in fact I picked university after deciding to move to Melbourne. I wanted to feel inspired, I wanted to surround myself with like-minded people who loved and felt just as passionate about taking pictures as I did. Sure I wanted to learn, but the experience was more important to me that the skills. I promised myself if there came a point where I was unhappy and no longer enjoying myself, I would not stay. No matter if that was two weeks in, two months in, or two years in.

I won’t go into too many details of why university wasn’t for me, this post isn’t about bashing our education system, but rather to explain my reasons for leaving. I have received so many messages and emails about studying at university, people asking me about my course, about studying in general, and sometimes even asking if they should pursue university education in photography. I can’t tell you what to do, but I can tell you that whatever you choose is completely your decision, don’t let others influence you or tell you what to do. It’s your life, live exactly how you want to!

But there are a few things that really upset me about university.

I don’t like how university feels. Like those who are predicted to be successful later in life are praised and rewarded. Last year I was sent an invitation to be apart of the Golden Key Honour Society. A group of my peers who are the top 15% of their course, providing them academic recognition, career opportunities and scholarships. The wording of the letter left a sour taste in my mouth, it seemed like an elite club, excluding those who are probably more talented than I but didn’t look good ‘on a piece of paper’.
I also didn’t like how the course changed their entry requirements. No longer was it an application, portfolio and interview process, but rather a simple ATAR score deciding if you are a good enough photographer. No images presented, who knows if you can even take a picture, but if you can write an essay and your a whizz at maths and that’s all that matters. A very talented photographer I know was not accepted in the course after spending her final year at high school working to the bone to get the score she needed. It just seemed very wrong.

There was one fateful day near to the end of last year, when I realised I truly was unhappy. It was sparked by our first fashion photography lecture (I was already disappointed that it took until the end of second year to talk about fashion…) when a lecturer was extremely rude to me, and completely humiliated me in front of a class of my peers. I was so excited to finally be learning about fashion, that I was the first one to volunteer when asked to suggest our favourite fashion photographers. After mentioning Tim Walker, he completely shot me down in flames, laughing that I admired Walker’s work, and telling me to stop looking at his out-dated fashion work because I could never replicate his imagery. I think that opened my eyes to the fact that I didn’t belong. Firstly, I am not looking to replicate anyones work, and secondly, no one should ever tell you what you can and can’t love. On that very same day I again was humiliated when trying to book a studio room at our store, because I didn’t know the correct name of the equipment I was hiring. Mind you we had only been using this equipment for that term, and never before had I needed to hire it because it was always already supplied to us. I left in tears. I am a kind person at heart and helpful by nature. I was not trying to be irritating and I had only asked for a small amount of help from a place that I was paying to teach me. It saddened me that my lecturers hadn’t taken the time to get to know me or my work even a little bit, and not from lack of trying on my part. I am probably to blame for having certain expectations, when in reality university is very cold and disconnected.

I do believe I have learnt a handful of skills from studying, but I also believe I can credit most of my growth as a photographer down to my determination, motivation, practice, and the beautiful city of Melbourne giving me endless opportunities and experiences.

Most importantly, I did not want them to kill my passion and ruin the one thing I love doing more than anything. Photography means so much more to me that a means to make money, and the way that I take my pictures is no different than the tone of my voice. It’s not something I could change. I couldn’t become more ‘commercially viable’, I don’t want to sell out. For me, success is not measured by the number in my bank account, or the letters in front of my name, or scores that are given to me. But for the experiences I have, the memories I create, the friendships I form, and the places I see. I woke up this morning without regrets, but instead feeling like a weight has been lifted from my chest. I have a wonderful new job and a creative space where I can go each day to create. I am so happy.

Nothing we do in life is a waste, but rather an opportunity to learn something, maybe it’s about the world or maybe it’s just about who we are. Whether it’s two years of an uncompleted university degree, a failed relationship, working for years in a job you hate, or losing everything you own and starting over. The only time it truly does become a waste, is if we never change it in the first place.

I can promise you that nothing is forever, and everyone deserves a fresh start.